Obligatory Disclaimer: The characters of Fatal Fury, DBZ, and Pokémon do not belong to me. Any character inconsistencies are due to the fact that this is non-serious and not really meant to make sense anyway, merely entertain. If you don't like it, don't bother reading it. Simple, neh?



ANIME DEATH MATCH

Roll opening credits.

The stadium is packed with cheering, shouting people. The ring (shouldn't it be called a square?) in the centre is lit up, but empty.


Al: Good evening and welcome to an all-new Anime Death Match! I'm Al Coholic and with me tonight is my co-host, Ben Zine. Good evening, Ben.

Ben: Good evening, Al. It's great to be here tonight. We've got quite a crowd for opening night and the atmosphere is charged.

Al: And no wonder. We're just moments away from the first exciting match of the season. We have a surprise guest referee tonight to help kick things off.

Ben: That's right, Al. Keeping things fair tonight is none other than one of the greatest Pokémon of all time, Mewtwo! Hold on to your seats, folks. Things are about to heat up!

Animé Death Match No.1

Mai Shiranui vs. Chi-Chi
Referee: Mewtwo

Al: And here's Mewtwo now to get things started.

Mewtwo descends to the centre of the ring. Extending a three-knobbed paw he psychically addresses the raucous crowd.

Mewtwo: // Silence, puny humans. This senseless display of human violence is about to commence. Our first contestant is Mai Shiranui. //

The crowd goes wild as Mai steps out wearing a red robe. The spotlight follows her as she approaches the ring and steps through the ropes to her corner. She waves, blowing a kiss and winking as she does.

Al: She's got a whole fanclub in that crowd, including her boyfriend, Andy Bogard.

Ben: As well as his brother, Terry Bogard, and Joe Higashi, a prestigious kickboxing champion.

Mewtwo: // Tonight's challenger is Chi-Chi. //

The crowd roars once again as Chi-Chi comes out looking very, very mad. She is covered by a green robe and you can see her elbows protruding from beneath it as she stalks down the aisle towards the ring.

Ben: Looks like she's mad.

Chi-Chi: MAI SHIRANUI! YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET MY SON EVER LAID EYES ON YOU!!!

Al: That was the understatement of the year, Ben.

Camera moves to where Gohan is panting after Mai. Videl stands behind him looking annoyed with her arms folded. She positions a fist above his head then smacks him with it so that his chin hits the floor.

Al: And it looks like Chi-Chi's got her own fanclub too, and her son, Gohan, isn't one of them.

Ben: That would be why she's so determined to kill Mai right now.

At the ring, Chi-Chi already has her robe off and is thrashing in Mai's direction but her feet are about half a metre from the floor as Mewtwo's psychic barrier keeps her at bay. Mai pulls down at one eye and pokes out her tongue tauntingly.

Mai: I don't want your son. He's not as hot as my Andy.

Mai turns back to where Andy is in the crowd and gives him another cute wave.

Mai: Hi sweety!!

Mewtwo: // Enough. //

Mewtwo drops Chi-Chi to the floor where she sits awhile fuming before getting up and looking ready to fight. Mai pulls out a fan and proceeds to look bored with the entire proceedings.

Mewtwo (with a complete lack of enthusiasm): // Let's get ready to rumble. //

Mewtwo nods and floats back out of the way.

Al: And we are under way! Looks like Chi-Chi is determined to have this fight over as soon as possible. She's throwing punches and kicks left and right but Mai just keeps jumping out of reach.

Ben: Chi-Chi's getting a couple of blows in though.

Mai throws a fan in Chi-Chi's direction. It hits her square in the forehead.

Al: Ow, and that MUST have hurt! Look at that vein in her forehead. I'm glad I'm not in Mai's boots right now.

Ben: I wouldn't at all mind being in her boots, although I can think of things I would much rather be in when it comes to her, or Chi-Chi even for that matter.

Al: I wouldn't let Chi-Chi's husband hear that if he was still alive. And Shiranui is quite hooked on that Bogard boyfriend of hers-- OW!! And again I say ow.

Chi-Chi is really punching into Mai. Mai reaches around and grabs Chi-Chi by the hair, yanking her head back and following through with an elbow to the jaw.

Ben: Ow, indeed. The blood is flying and the crowd is going wild. Who do you think will win this one?

Al: If I had to put my money down, I'd bet on Shiranui. They're both about the same build and weight but Shiranui has been practising her fighting skills more lately than Chi-Chi has, being a mother and all.

The crowd collectively "oooh" as Chi-Chi begins clawing at Mai's face. Mai tries to defend with her arms and they proceed to be scratched up too. She kicks forward, pushing the enraged Chi-Chi away. With hardly a pause she fully launches herself, elbow first, into Chi-Chi who goes flying back to hit the ropes and go down looking even more mad, if that's at all possible.

Ben: I'm not so sure. Mai seems to be doing quite well for herself. But what's this?? It looks like a fight has just broken out at the Chi-Chi fanclub area... between Gohan and Videl Satan!

Al: And it looks like Hercules' daughter is winning at the moment.

Videl picks up a chair and smashes it down on Gohan.

Videl: Take that back, you @#$%ing prick! I'm MUCH sexier than that bitch!!!

Gohan: VIDEL!! Argh... OW... VIDEL!! I take it back, I take it ba--ARRRHHH!!!

Andy, Terry, and Joe have made their way over and are attempting to keep the crowd from dealing their own justice on the DBZ crowd who are thirsty for blood and taking every opportunity.

Almost unnoticed back at the ring, Mai knocks down Chi-Chi with a solid blow to her stomach. She wipes some blood flowing from her cut lip and looks back to where she expects Andy to be, but he isn't there. She blinks, looking at the crowd whose attention has completely shifted to the all-out brawl. Chi-Chi props herself up and follows her opponent's gaze.

Floating above the ring, Mewtwo shakes his head a little. Pikachu come running down the aisle and proceed to electrocute most of the crowd until they are all standing around looking rather sooty and frizzled and are no longer fighting. The crowd on the other side of the arena are still cheering thinking the show tonight is magnificent.

Mai: HEY YOU!! GET YOUR FILTHY LIPS OFF MY BOYFRIEND!!

Andy is struggling against some random, fan-crazed spectator who has managed to plant her lips firmly on his and has his cheeks in a vice-grip between her hands. Mai races over and begins to beat up on her. Andy tries unsuccessfully to stop her. Immediately all hell breaks loose... again...

Chi-Chi and Bulma (from edge of crowd): GOTEN!! TRUNKS!! DON'T TOUCH THE POKEMON!!!

Goten and Trunks get fried by a pikachu. The entire ring is suddenly filled with electricity as the pikachu collectively Thunder the entire stadium. The whole crowd go down looking thoroughly electrocuted.

Camera shows the commentators with their hair sticking up on end.

Ben: Well, Al. That was certainly a hair-raising experience. What a fantastic first show.

Al: Absolutely. And I would say I won my bet on technical skill.

Ben: I wouldn't be so sure Mai won, Al. Chi-Chi is still standing. I think the winner tonight is Mewtwo and his pikachu.

Lights suddenly go out and a spotlight shines down onto the centre of the ring. Jigglypuff is there holding the microphone. He clears his throat, then begins to sing.

Jigglypuff: o/` Ji galee e puff, jiga lee ee ee puff... o/`

Al (hurriedly): Thank you for joining us for the debut of the new season of Anime Death Match. Good evening and Ben and I will see you same time, same pla....

Al starts snoring. Everyone has fallen asleep.

Roll closing credits as Jigglypuff's song continues.


THE END.

Anime Death Match #1

Mai Shiranui vs. Chi-Chi

Referee: Mewtwo

Winner: Mewtwo (and his pikachu)

BACK |